Pretty Little Words

For so long I dreamed of a love I feared. A woman whose beauty made a beach sunrise full of shame for it could never be as radiant as she was. A beauty that I could try to grasp with my fingers- but never hold onto because she couldn’t love someone who couldn’t love themselves. How can you love me she would plead- when you hate your own being so much. She was right- but I would lie telling her loving you would be my cure. You are my muse and I will show the world the perfection you are. And even though she was more enchanting than any Disney princess could be- she wasn’t living in a fairytale. I have heard all your beautiful words before she sighed. You hide behind them so you don’t have to open your heart to me. You seduced me with your passages of ultimate romance- made my heart flutter with desire and yet – when I try to touch yours it’s colder than two AM on a desperate winter night. You can say you love me- but you only love the idea of “love”- it’s a concept you write about so you never have to feel it. She was right. I tried to speak but she silenced me. My heart breaks whenever I look into your eyes- those eyes that made me fall in love with your sadness. I realize now they are nothing more than an Emerald dead sea. A painting made to trick females into thinking you care. I am not sure where the tears come from when they rain out of your eyes because it’s sure not from your heart. You are like a magician with the sleight of hand to make me believe you were truly ever in love with me in the first place. And the saddest part is you conned yourself into believing you really do love me. But deep in your belly you know it’s not true- because you hate yourself so much you used me as a distraction to not feel. Maybe one day you’ll be capable of love- but it won’t be with me- and it won’t be today. A woman too amazing for this world- a woman i couldn’t even dream of making up in fiction because of the pureness of her beauty, kindness, and intelligence was leaving me. I tried to protest but the words never came out- instead I watched as the tears trickled down her tender face. She stared into my eyes one last time before leaving me with one last shrapnel of truth- when you write about this- and I know you will- remember to remind the audience through your pretty little words- that this woman you loved ohh so much left without you even putting up goddamn fight. Because without your words to protect you- you are a coward- whose only notion of loving someone else is how well you can portray them on a piece of fucking paper.